naked finger days

I don't know why, or what makes me think this way, but I've felt sort of lost as of late.
Don't get me wrong, I know I'm at a bit of a crossroads...28 days before I surrender my own life to be a full time representative of the Lord and His church.
It's more than that though, it's different.
I feel like who I am has changed and I don't really know what I am anymore.
I always come back to the things I know when I'm in a mood like this..
I am a child of God. I am someone's best friend, someone's favorite sister and a future missionary.
I guess what I don't know is if I am the funny girl, or the one who everyone thinks is smart...if I'm the one people don't notice, or the one who people think is immature.
I think this sense of confusion is spawning from insecurity, which luckily is a lot more in check for me than it used to be.
I don't want to worry about what other people think so much, and most times I don't, but right now, it's the closest thing I have to explain my lack of...definition.
I know it's a "thing" that missionaries go through AFTER the mission...they just had such purpose for so long, and then they don't know what to do with themselves. Take that badge away and it's like they don't know their own name anymore.
I'm sure I might experience a bit of that, but I am SO blessed to be really confident in my life after a mission. I know where I'll live, where I'll work and who I'll love.
So what IS the issue? Well poo, I couldn't tell you.
--
2009 IS OVER, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?

Stayed single almost the whole year?
nope. in fact, this is one of the first years i was only single for 6 days :)

Were you involved in something you'll never forget?
heck yes. so many moments.

Dyed your hair?
only once...another record!

Came close to losing your life?
uhm--maybe if you count the wisdom teeth...

Saw one of your favorite bands/artists live?
every year--yes!

2009: FRIENDS & ENEMIES

Did you meet any new friends this year?
I'll never forget you--McCann's and Dave and Megan, etc.

Did you hate anyone?
nah. hate is nasty.

Do you have any regrets when it comes to your friendships?
I always regret not being a better friend...it's a hard job.

2009: YOUR BIRTHDAY!

Did you have a cake?
yes :) thank you lyssa!

Did you have a party?
kinda...it was a going away party right before my birthday.

Did you get what you wanted?
I got one step closer to a mission and way closer to my family--so yes.

2009: ALL ABOUT YOU

Did you change at all this year?
I think in subtle ways, yes.

Did you change your style?
Yea, kinda.

Were you in school?
nope. not once-another first since i was 3!

Did you go on any vacations ?
not really.

Would you change anything about yourself now?
sure thing...always room to grow.

2009: WRAP UP

Was 2009 a good year?
uhm, i'm gonna go with YES.

Do you think 2010 will top 2009?
In some ways, heck yes, and in others, it can't.

IN THE YEAR 2009 I CONFESS THAT I....

Had your heart broken?
a little, but it was really overflowing most of the year!

Did something you regret?
uhm, i hurt some people and i'm not proud of that.

Ran a mile?
yes.

Visited a foreign country?
haha, NO

IN 2009 I.....

Disappointed someone close?
yea...

Pretended to be happy?
ed gets mad cause im really good at this :/

Kept your new years resolution?
i don't think i made one, nor do i really care for them.

Forgot your new years resolution?
haha, more likely

Changed your outlook on life?
constantly happening.

Learned something new about yourself?
yes.

Tried something you normally wouldn't try and liked it?
yep.

Made a change in your life?
made a few.

Cried over the silliest things?
i always do.

Had friends who were drifting away from you?
well, it's a natural cycle of life and friends, so yes.

Spent most of your money on food?
yes, actually.

Liked more than 5 people at the same time?
nope, not this year ;)
--

well that was fun and pointless...and one with life we go...
Happy New Year!