Triumphs

We ran into some friends at DI tonight. We were talking about a lot of things, mostly the new semester, money and the things we are all going through.

It was a long talk, more detail than I need to type about, but ultimately it made me feel...awful.

It's no secret (I hope) that I have a real problem with depression. Just a couple of months ago I finished some treatments I was on and I've been feeling so great lately. (YAY!) However, I felt this creep up on me instantly and then I was just quiet. I'm never quiet, people. So of course Ed noticed and we started to talk.

Ed's really good at talking to me and helping me through my depression. I think he's learned over the years that 99% of the time I can work through my own emotions as long as I have a sound board and someone who I trust to talk to.

Anyhow, after the drive home and tears and venting and digging through my thoughts, I realized I feel like a big fat failure. Yea...like legitimately failing at life...no jokes. Now, that might sound extreme, but once I get to feeling something like that I know Satan creeps in and reminds me of ALL of my failures and it just snowballs into one big pity party of self hate.

Wahwah.

Well, Ed gave me a good pep-talk, an amazing hug and then made me laugh (I picked a winner, folks) and now I'm determined to name the things I succeeded in for 2013.

I know everyone is sick of the new year talk, but I figured the last year is a good place to start and a nice unit of time. So here we go:

In 2013 I:

-Ran in my first marathon, relay style, taking two chunks that equaled almost 6 miles.
-Moved 3 times, once to Idaho, once to St Anthony and once to a WILDLY better apartment than our first.
-Started college at a University for the first time ever.
-Completed two semesters with 16 credit hours each.
-Survived a miscarriage, a recurring bout of depression and testing for Systematic Lupus.
-Consolidated all of my debts and have a low monthly payment...that's a win, right?
-Made at least a dozen home cooked meals, most of which Ed liked and all of them edible.
-Reconnected with old friends, forgave myself and others.
-Made a junk load of amazing friends and acquaintances who were always in my life at the right moments.
-Auditioned for and made the original cast of The Humor Code comedy troupe.
-Made my first music video.
-Started "Besties with Breasties"with Courtney in an effort to get healthy and improve my life.
-Went to the gym a lot and even took an aerobics class.
-Went without sugar for the month of June.
-Landed a dream job at an assisted living facility, changing my life forever and teaching me a new layer of love.
-Completed at least a dozen things I had pinned on Pinterest. (That's a big deal, y'all!)
-Swam in a river for the first time.
-Went fishing for the first time.
-Taught an amazing Primary class and grew my testimony.
-Did my visiting teaching at least 7 of the 9 months I was assigned.
-Became an Aunt for the first time. (Can't take any credit for it, just wanted to mention it.)
-Helped to organize/plan several Relief Society meetings (Enrichment? Homemaking?) for my ward.
-Gave my husband at least 100 backrubs ;)

I can't think of anything else right now, but already I can feel the love of God and the happiness of a life well lived. I know I've had my failures. We all do. I just hope that we can all take time to look at our successes and our blessings and realize that we aren't doing half bad.

One thing Ed said to me tonight hit home. He said "You can't change the past, so don't let it wreck the future." It was simple, but just what I needed to hear.

So here's to better days ahead!

Love you!

-Jenny