wishing, hoping, thinking, praying

i've always wanted to be far more eloquent than i really am.
it's like, if i could paint a picture of what my head does, with words...man, that's be some good stuff.

i guess that's one of this lifes funny little restrictions.
we have these little things called words, and we have to try and describe with them, and use them, give them weight, and never misspell...or use; the! wrong, punctuation.

nothing for me has ever worked that way though.
it isn't what i feel, and it sure isn't what i want to say half the time.
i think that just might be where music kicks in and takes over.
for the things we couldn't say in words.

you can follow that thought wherever, my mind is taking me elsewhere...

edward.
he makes me...me.

i don't know how to say that without being anything but cliche, but i don't care.

i'm a very outgoing person, some may say even a bit dramatic.
i like attention, and i'm not going to be shy about that, haha.
but there is something about who i am with edward, that is so different than all of that...
i am more reserved, and a lot more laid back.
i think a lot before opening my mouth, and i don't just throw thing sout hoping to get a laugh, or reaction...
i'm just me, and i've never felt so comfortable.

it's funny how many "me's" i feel there are.
there is the me that loves to watch.
the silent observer, just people watching the days away.
there is the diva in me.
i won't use public bathrooms, and i like to be admired and watched.
there is the me that loves with everything she's got.
showering the ones around me with gifts, or notes, or texts...whatever i can do to make them feel it.
there is also, on the converse, the me that is rather lazy.
i'd rather not go out of my way for anyone or anything sometimes.
i don't need to even go further, i could get far too carried away...

point is, edward has made me realize, all of these are part of me, and that the person i am and the person i want to be are very close.
i am Jeni, and i'm doing well.
no need to impress or try to hard.
i'm very content.
and if all of that hasn't been in about a million love song...
guh.
i hate being cliche...
guess that's another me ;)